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So Went Down Memory Lane...

So I went down memory lane by reading through all my past posts and man, do I hate reading what I wrote back in high school. It seems that I only ever used this journal back then to complain about my relationship status and that just makes me want to go back in time to give a wake up call to my past self. Things get better at the end of High School/the beginning of college though as I move on from just complaining. I know my life was a lot better than it has been made out to be in this journal but it seems I only come here to complain. Oh well, can't change the past, can only move forward.

In other news, I have decided to join the military because of the problem with trying to find a job and the whole not getting an assistantship. I have been beating myself up a bit knowing that if I had submitted the Assistantship form in earlier, I probably would be writing of my time in Kansas right about now but it didn't happen and we have to move on from our mistakes. The chosen branch? The United States Coast Guard. I chose the Coast Guard because they are less likely to screw you since they are a smaller branch and I can actually use my degree helping with fisherie stuff and environmental stuff. I am applying to be an officer, I have a four year degree and I am not letting it go to waste. I have been highly considering going career too and if not I get veteran preferance for government jobs and it still adds to my government retirement. The big obstacle for this? Getting through the long process of getting into the Coast Guard. A lot of forms to fill out, ASVAB to take, lots of tests to perform and standing in front of an officer commission to all deem me worthy of being an officer in the USCG. A process that could take upwards of a year to complete, all with no pay so I am having to find a job in the mean time while this takes place so I have been applying to anything and everything. Hell, I haven't even stopped applying to graduate schools either. Just seeing what happens first so I cna use it to further my career.

Hopefully something pulls through soon. These job requirements for these field jobs are kind of getting to me. How am I suppose to get the experience these jobs require when they won't give me a chance? Oh well, from everyone I have talked to, this is how it normally is so I will have to keep trudging through until something comes through. It's been hard, I am not going to lie. Everything seemed to be going great and then it all came to a screeching halt and I have had mountains of bad luck since but I keep going because to stop now is to fail and I am not going to make it anywhere by doing that. So here we go!

Longing for my Field Jobs

It seems I get shit no matter where I live anymore. My grandparents are pressuring to get a shit, dead end job because they have a lack of understanding about how this stage in my career works. All they care about is that I have some kind of job and I have money and that I can just snap my fingers and boom I have a new job...some many grammatical things wrong with that sentence but I really don't care to fix it. My mom demands my car for tomorrow even though I had plans...had plans, not anymore, but I'll get to that a bit later. Anyway, my mom is getting her car brought in to get fixed and asked to use mine but I had plans and my grandparents weren't using their one vehicle so I didn't think any thing of it and then today I get shit from all three of them and on top of them they continue to harp on the job issue pissing me off so I leave the house for a couple of hours to get some shopping I needed to get done.

Then to appease them since they think my fiance doesn't help me at all, I call her to see if she can pick me up and then I find out that the plans we had were totally re-arranged by several things. She had off today and tomorrow and I was suppose to see her tomorrow but now I found out she made plans with her friend so she might not have time to pick me up and that the original plans we were going to do might be canceled because her dad is leaving for Africa on Sunday which is actually something I expected but the whole making other plans with a friend when I thought we had plans was not so I am just like why didn't I come for today then? So she said she was going to work something out but I said no, fuck it, don't even bother. I don't want to be bothersome in anyway at which point she new I was at least annoyed.

Now it seems I do have my car and my mom will take the other car....yeah, this shit got tiresome real quick.

Right now, I just want to be alone where no one is making demands on me. This is part of the reason why I want to leave for another Field job quite soon. I missed all these people and these places but all this shit has made it quite tiresome and I long to go back to Nature where She makes no demands on me. Yes, I'll be doing a job but this is all something I enjoy and my boss will put demands on me but they are ones I happily accept because they are save Her, Her which gives so much and has never asked anything in return which is maybe the reason why I want to help Her so much. I get lost in Her forests and it is wonderful as everything from Her creation surrounds me...another reason why I want to save Her. Oh well...

The Great American Irish Festival

So I haven't updated in quite a while, a bit over a month but I am still here. I got home at the end of June and have been back ever since. I am now living with my grandparents while I assess my next move. Things have been different to say the least. I don't get to see my fiance that much anymore since she is living with her dad and her dad has put restrictions on my visitation rights and she is restricted by the taking care of our ferrets. So things are less than ideal and I may have to pick it up to leave at a moments notice and be gone for another couple of months.

I don't know, I have really started to evaluate how much I like leaving like this. I have said many times it would be easier if she came with me but that can not be the case at least not initially. Even then, we were going to be spending two years apart as I go to graduate school but that may be different now as I have found a grad school that is like Fort Hays State University but it is Maryland. The name of the school is Frostberg State University. I have contacted them and I am going to apply for the Spring semester. Hopefully, I can get down to meet everyone down there and make a better lasting impression then if I just applied and I was just some other dude.

Other than that, it is searching for field jobs once more where I take up and leave for my next "exotic" location. I reworked my Cover Letter for jobs and my Letter of Interest for Grad School. I looked at what I was using before and thought that it wasn't good enough and this could of been the reason why I wasn't getting most jobs. I really do enjoy these field jobs, just wish they wouldn't be so far from home. In my Regional Land Use Planning class it was said that most people will wind up living within 50 miles of their birth place and now I see why that is. As excited as it was to be in a different place, it wasn't home or the environment I love and it made me realize how much I love PA. That being said, I will go where the jobs are but that doesn't mean I won't have a preference for where I want to work.

Well, it is back to grind as I try to get another job so that I can keep money flowing for myself.
The above quote is from Gandalf, for those wondering. There is no way for me to have lived three hundred lives of men...or is there?

Anyway, my main reason for using the quote is because I have no time anymore. I thought this job would afford me more time but there seems to me always something to do especially after my accident took place so that I could get everything in order for my new car to be taken care of and then I do have my job to do so it has just been more hectic than I first thought.

Some more bad news, they seem to have not reserved an assistantship when they accepted me into grad school at Fort Hays State University so my fate for this fall still has yet to be decided. The most I can do is still prepare for it the best I can while establishing back up plans to take care of it just in case I don't go this fall. I will probably end up taking a another field job or might find a temp job in Norway...why Norway? I don't know, people tend not to like Arctic climates while I tend to adore them and the different kinds of life that can colonize them. But if any of my foreign readers know of any temp positions in the wildlife/environmental field within their countries that would take Americans, I would be gracious to know them.

Other than that, I have just been enjoying nature as I should. Got to see my first endangered species in the wild, the red-cockaded woodpecker. Saw it with my boss on Tuesday and it was awesome. The experience of seeing it in the wild versus the zoo is so much more than I could of expected. Here, you watch it being itself, acting the way it should instead of pacing in a cage. I understand why zoos are important but seeing these species in the wild really brings home to why I am doing this. It puts into perspective why this is a cause worth fighting for. It reminds me ever more of why I chose to take up this fight and fight for those who can not fight for themselves. It has restored my vigor and determination to succeed, and succeed I will.

Yeah, I Flipped My Car

So yesterday going to do some point counts, a couple of dogs were crossing the highway and I swerved to miss them thinking about how I would feel about someone hitting my dog. I slid off the road, lost control and eventually my tire blew causing my car to flip. I landed on my tires, unbuckled my seat belt and walked out, pretty unscathed. I am so thankful right now that I am alive and in one piece with few cuts and I am not even sore. Seat belts, they save lives.

Good news is that I got into Graduate School though. I am going to Fort Hays State University to get my Masters Degree in Wildlife Biology and Conversation Biology so, the whole day wasn't crap.

Also, yes, I am continuing to do my job down here and I am probably buying a new car down here in MS. I am actually feeling pretty good actually, despite everything, pretty surprised actually.

News From the Field

Well, don't know if I annouced it here or not but I got a job working as an Avian Field Technician for a Grad Student going to University of Tennessee doing Bird Population Point Counts which involves me stopping on roadsides and listening to for birds and recording whether I hear our target species. After a week of training, which was last week, I am now on my own in Mississippi doing these surveys. I was camping the past three days but now I am stationed at Noxubee Wildlife Refuge in a camper trailer for the rest of my time surveying MS and then I move on to Alabama so now I have the pleasure of staying at the Refuge for the rest of my time as a tech.

My internet access is somewhat limited so I won't be responding very frequently for the next month. I have to go into town to get any phone and internet service which is kind of bitch I must say especially when wanting to talk to my mom and fiance but I'll deal.

It's been eh, most of the time. I have been so anxious and depressed from being so far away from the ones I love that I just kind of freaked and all I have wanted to do is go home and in fact, writing about this again is making some of the feelings come back. I have since gotten over it after talking to my mom, fiance and grandparents and they gave encouragement which actually did wonders for me. I have since turned to a more positive attitude and even though I stil want to get home, I have a different perspective and since getting to the Refuge my mood has definitely changed for the better and it is wonderful. And the great thing is that there is a bunkhouse right next to my trailer with two people from the east, one person is from PA and the other is from Ohio so I might have some people to talk to. That's about it, it has been fun though, the bird counts just can get extremely lonely since I am by myself. Oh well, just a month more and I will be on my way with experience under my belt.

Until I get internet access again!

Spice World

Yeah...I stayed up watching Spice World...I found it on Hulu and couldn't resist. I used to love them as a kid, I was going to marry Geri, Ginger Spice. The worst thing is that I still know all of the words to all of their songs...

Evolution: What We Don't Know?

One of my biggest pet peeve arguments I come across when discussing evolution with a particularly devout religious person who disbelieves evolution because of their faith is the argument of irreducible complexity. This argument started by William Paley with the famous Watchmaker argument has stuck around since his criticism in the late 1800s of evolution even after time and again, we have shown the evolutionary processes for many, many things within biology. This essay will show why this argument is wrong and how just because we don’t know something just yet, doesn’t mean it is wrong.

Cut So You Don't Have to Endure a Wall of Text on Your Friend PageCollapse )


So, I was writing an essay on evolution and how irreducible complexity shouldn't latch onto every unexplained evolutionary process but then when I was tagging people who I thought would be interested, it navigated away from the page and deleted everything I had written. I may write another one but right now, I am really pissed at fucking facebook for being a fucking douche...

After I had made it on Facebook, I was going to port it over here so you lovely people could read it but no, facebook fucking sucks.
Let me start off this by saying that after much thinking and a few influences from several famous Physicists, that I now would say that I believe in God. Now before you get on my case, I suggest hearing me out fully because this really shouldn’t be a surprise after knowing me and hearing my stance on this. The God I believe in can not be found in any religions that exist today because it is not anthropomorphic, nor is it able to have a gender ascribed to it and it is far from being any kind of personal God that is able to answer prays. No, the God I believe is the culmination of all the forces that drives this universe that we live in. An abstraction that keeps the universe in harmony that has let molecular machines like ourselves to exist and proliferate on this planet Earth. Really, one could argue that I have chosen to just to name the force of the universe God and I feel they would be correct but there are still reasons why I probably could never believe in a personal God that is found in the Abrahamic religions but these are the same reasons that drives my spirituality which transcends all this. The universe is vast and the Earth itself is nothing but a speck in this enormous universe that I could never believe that God would just pay attention like we are his ants in an ant farm instead it is a Cosmic force that provides the harmony of this Universe that has made life possible and it is this that drives my spirituality which got it’s birth from viewing the universe from the perspective that science has revealed to us.

It began with the epiphany of realizing how interconnected everything is, everything in this universe is connected. All life is connected from those first cells to us, all of us are related because there is an unbroken thread that stretches from these first cells to us. It thrills me that we live in Universe that would allow for the development of the molecular machines that we are. These natural laws which rule the universe allowed for our development and it is the cosmic forces that allowed for the Earth to be created in the first place because we and the Earth are made of star stuff, we are made from the atoms that were made during a star’s life time and was released after that star had died thus creating the materials needed to build planets and at least on this planet, the molecules that would develop into the life on this planet. The molecules in your body, in my body are traceable to some of the most profound cosmic events that we have known; do you know how amazing that is? We are all connected to each other through the evolution of life, to the Earth because it is from these materials that the first cells developed and to the universe because the elements were developed from the cosmic forces that drive the universe. This to me is inspiring more than anything in the world. Life was able to exist because of the harmony of the universe.

Once the molecules came together and formed the first cells, creating the first form of life and these continued to development and evolve. All the cells that have existed are a triumph of Natural Selection, the force that would one day spawn a way for the cosmos to know itself. The imagination of nature is so much greater than our own. This process of evolution by natural selection is such an amazing force that we owe our existance to it, because this universe allowed for the development of molecule machines that we are. Now that the humans have developed we have become self-aware and have started to contemplate the cosmos, star stuff contemplating stars, we are literally a way for the cosmos to know itself. These molecules that have momentarily come together to be you are starting to ask questions about our origins which begins at the beginning of our cosmos.

Now it is not science that I am what one could call “worshipping” because science is only a tool that is used to discover things about the universe, science is the way we discovered all this but it is just having this knowledge about the universe is thrilling and I am definitely glad that we have had science to discover these inspiring things about the universe. It is just that science is the best tool to discover how the universe works.

To me, these revelations are inspiring and really make me celebrate what life is, where life came from, where life is going and what other kinds of life might be out there. There is no despair within in these thoughts, only excitement for this awesome universe.